Sleep Deprivation

My number one dislike about “#motherhood”

For me, health issues and a terrible lack of sleep started with my pregnancy in 2012 and is still occurring with second daughter (almost 1 year old). So, it will be 3 years straight. That’s a good stretch I’d say.

Nothing takes me down like sleep deprivation and sickness.

Can I get an AMEN SAHMs (Stay -At- Home- Moms), WFTMs (Working Full-Time Moms), and WPTMs (Working Part Time Moms)?

I know my decision to stay home upon moving across the country with a 20 month old and a 5 month old was the right one as I spent 5 months straight awake more than half the night. I could never have functioned at the level I used to in corporate America on NO SLEEP!

I traveled for my previous job and the international trips are what really got me. The furthest I went was the Middle East, UAE (Dubai)-- the day is completely reversed (8 hours different) and we flew for a day and half to get there so began working immediately upon arrival! It took a week to adjust just to have a second week there before returning to the States! The “sleep deprivation” (quotes here because seriously? That is not sleep deprivation…try motherhood pants on and see what that’s all about…) I experienced in my work traveling days have nothing on my motherhood moments. That’s why I have to give a shout out to you WFTMs (Working Full-Time Moms) and WPTMs(Working Part Time Moms). I’ve come to understand that you must either be superheros or have GREAT sleepers! And both are hard not to envy!

My daughters were opposites, my first Sophie was a very difficult newborn, and that pretty much lasted until she got all of her teeth. I didn’t get any sleep for about a year… and did I mention I got pregnant with my second baby when my first was only 6 months old? The sleep deprivation continued… My second daughter was a much easier newborn, but still up at least once or twice a night! I thought I hit the jack pot with her! BUT---- then she turned a corner not for the better at 5 months. It was like once we moved to our new state she became a newborn again – but worse. I have never been so cranky and frustrated in my life as I was having moved so far family and being up most of the night EVERY night.

Fellow Mamas, I cried every day. If not multiple times because I was exhausted. I was completely worn out. I had two babies under two. I moved to a rural town in northern Minnesota and I had no one to help me. My 5 month old cried ALL the time. She couldn’t sit up on her own yet and I couldn’t trust the toddler in the same room alone with her for two seconds. This was a time I felt defeated. Alone. Questioning my decision to be a SAHM. I looked at jobs online and seriously considered getting the heck out being a SAHM. But the best decision I made in this time was to reach out. And TRY harder.

I looked online before moving to see what the community offered at the local library, the day we got to town and the moving truck came I took the kids to story time. I met moms right away! I signed up for a 5k race the first weekend and I again, met a great friend who was running with a double stroller (a 3 year old and a 6 week old)- it chopped me down a bit because I was all proud of running a race with a nursing baby at home and a not yet 2 year old! I wasn’t very fast, but I noticed the “hard core double jogger pushing Mama” was just a little bit behind me. I thought, do I slow down or run ahead because I cant let her pass me with a double jogger!!! I slowed down and met a great friend. Becky happened to be the nicest woman and she was just about my age! She was born and raised here, moved away but came back to raise her family here. The point of this running story is that I put myself out there. I was in a new place and I wanted to give up out of exhaustion, frustration and downright feeling so trapped. But I did something that I loved. Running that 5k, going to story time and making some other Mom friends was what I needed.

The best support was my relationship with my fellow MRL partner, Briana. We messaged each other ten to twenty times a day and she got through some really hard times. She had been without outside help during her 5 years as a SAHM and also had been through the sleep deprivation over and over again with her 5 year old. He would have horrible “episodes” at night which come to find out later were actually seizures! How hard! And with each episode lasting up to an hour, sometimes 3 times a night, with all of this starting when her youngest was a newborn--well, she certainly knew about sleep deprivation! She was a few steps ahead of me in this SAHM thing and she was a big part in the network of SAHM support that I had.

We need each other, Mamas. We need to let down our masks and admit, this is the hardest job one can have! Maybe you disagree, you have perfect kids and a great support system from family or friends living close by. But for those mamas like me, going from corporate America and graduate school to being a SAHM- in my early 30’s – it was culture shock.

But it was good for me. It softened me and made me see my weaknesses. I realized how judgmental I had been in the past of moms who “just stayed at home” (how lame I thought! Why wouldn’t you use your degree?!) I even judged my own sister! I remember wondering “what exactly was so hard about being at home all day with her two girls?” They were not even 1 and age 3. Or my judgments considering her having a drink on the plane when traveling solo with both of them! Oh honey- I get it! I get it Mamas.

The challenge my heart cried out during this time was for some freedom away from these babies' demands! The days were long (with hubby at a new job and working long days) BUT worse—the nights were long too. Some very valuable truths surfaced during these times. I share these with you in some future posts.

So, Mama, sleep deprivation stinks. I’m getting used to it. But still… it wipes you out. Hang in there, know there are moms out there going through the same thing, and they keep having babies in spite of the challenges! High fives all around for you Mamas!! I hope some of these suggestions help you, or at least encourage you.

Your Faithful Mama Reading Labels,

Sarah