The Simpsons Wrestling
Let the record show that I love The Simpsons almost as much as I do professional wrestling. It's my favorite TV program of all time and its characters and stories are timeless. So when I heard in 2001 that Our Favorite Family was getting its own wrestling video game? I was insanely excited.
So yes, I was among those who rushed out and picked up the title for the Playstation O.G. (eg PS1) the minute it was released. Oddly enough, I don't think I've ever done that for any of the WWE titles, even they have waaaaaaay more replay value.
Anyways, the game starts like most wrestling games, with a character selection screen that lets you choose your yellow-faced grappler. In addition to those on screen now (Barney, Krusty, Apu, Groundskeeper Willie, Homer, Lisa, Marge and Bart), you could also wrestle as Moe, Frink, Stupid Sexy Flanders, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Itchy, Scratchy, Bumblebee Man, Kang and Kodos.
From there, you're transported to one of 10 different arenas, everything from Barney's bowling alley to the Springfield nuclear power plant. Each ring has a 3-D background with members of Springfield cheering you on.
It's a touch that has been used in many wrestling games before and after this one, but for some reason, the cartoonish nature (and yes, I do realize it's supposed to be a cartoon) reminds me more of PS1's "WWF In Your House" than anything else.
How is in the in-ring action? Well, if I were to draw upon my years as a professional journalist to come up with the correct words, I'd have to say "pretty f*cking terrible."
Essentially, all you're doing is kicking and punching your opponent until they (or you) run out of energy. That's it - that's the entire game! It's like a very annoying version of Streetfighter, but with Bart and Lisa.
Sure, sometimes you will be able to use a weapon to wallop your opponent (in this case, a frying pan), but that hardly makes any difference to the health of your opponent.
If I wanted to simulate a wrestling match that's just awkward kicking and punching, I'd play as Great Khali.
You may notice that the graphics are mind-numbingly bad. Granted, they're a step up from Tag Team Wrestling, but this is nearly 15 years later and video games in general had made great strides towards crisper and more vibrant graphics. Yet, this still looks like a Looney Tunes game from the Sega Genesis or some shit.
The crazy thing is, it's not like they didn't have visually-pleasing wrestling games to pattern this after by 2001. The WWF released War Zone - considered by some as the father of modern wrestling games - in June 1998, and both WCW and ECW had followed suit with a whole slew of games that didn't look like they were illustrated on MS Paint.
Why yes, that IS Barney using a belch to incapacitate his opponent. I suppose it's no dumber a concept than Santino using the cobra...
So the other thing that always annoyed the hell out of me was the soundtrack. Yes, the voices were done by the original Simpsons voice actors, which is admirable, but the constant grunting and screeching got annoying after, oh, fifteen seconds or so. For example, count how many times Krusty laughs in the below clip:
The Simpsons Wrestling was definitely more "haw haw!" than "ehhhh-xcellent". This would have probably have been fine in the mid-90's as an arcade game, where you dropped one quarter at a time and were done after a match or two. But as a game for the Playstation? I'd rather be choked by my old man. D'OH!